Virgo Jen

Goodbye and Goodnight...

As much as I loved this blog and as much as it brought me SO much, I have so much going on (good stuff!  good stuff!) I just cannot keep it up.  I'll never get it started back up again.  It makes me sad, but its time to move on and start fresh.  Lots to look forward to this year...lots of wonderful changes and lots of amazing things are happening.  I may start up another blog sometime in the year, but the time for VirgoJen has come to a close.

If I start up again at another time, I'd love to have you follow me.  I think of many of you often...
Please feel free to write and keep in touch.  I'll miss you...

~Jen
Claws8@cox.net

Hi,

I'm still here, I'm sorry I don't blog anymore.  I have been getting your emails and comments and appreciating them --- thank you!

Still in the process of saving all my information on here before shutting down.  God only knows how long that will take me.  I really do enjoy writing and journaling, it just seems as though I don't have time anymore to do it all. 

Hard to believe that the holidays are sneaking up.  This year went ZOOMING by fast!!! 

Anyway, I'm off to go catch up on a few other things...
Thank you so very much for the communication that some of you still keep.  I appreciate it more than you know.  :)

Hope all is well on your end...

Hi'ya!

Wow, I'm still getting hits on here?  And a decent amount?  Still?   I woulda thought you guys would have surely forgotten about me by now.

It's been so long since I've logged in, I forgot my password.   I'm in the process of saving all my entries and then I'm closing VJ. 

Let me hear from you!  What'cha been up to?  Everything okay?    Tell me! Tell me!

Happy 6th Birthday!

Day 254
Originally uploaded by InsatiablySassy

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Boy, dont you worry... youll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

Happy 6th birthday my beautiful boy.
I love you everyday.

Fri. June 29, 2007

Us

We just spent four days together.  My heart is singing right now!

Sat. May 26, 2007

    ~*~*~Have a safe holiday weekend!~*~*~

Since today is his birthday...

...I want to show the world who he is! 

 

Today, I celebrate you!

 

Your life.
Your spirit.
Your journey. 

There are no words to adequately express my feelings for you and what you’ve brought to my life. Your infectious smile makes my world sing! 

It’s a true gift to be apart of your life. 

Happy Birthday, my love. 

Here’s to a lifetime more…

 

Paths

A lot of really negative things have happened over the last year.  A lot of hurt, a lot of pain, a lot of tears.  Just a lot.  I'm sure it's no surprise to learn that I'm going through a divorce.    It's been exhausting, it's been mind numbing, and at times, it's been completely overwhelming.  Some days I just tread water as to not drown.  I don't feel the need or the desire to discuss the details, nor is it really necessary.  But so many of you still, even now, check on me.  You send me thoughtful emails and private messages asking how I am and if things are ok.  You ask about my children and you just wanna say hi.  I don't always respond, but trust me, they mean a lot.  Really.

But what I'm trying to focus on throughout all the ugly negativity, are the positives.  I'm healthy, my kids are healthy and most days I am happy and content.  I know I'll make it.  I just know.

So, here starts a new chapter in my life.  I'll learn, I'll grow, and I'll love.

Love...

I have to smile when I type that because even though it's been a painful year, I've met an amazing person whom I can honestly say I love.  He's been my sunshine throughout my darkness and I can't wait to tell the world about him.  Who knew my path would lead and merge with his. 

You just never know where you're path will lead.

Thank you, honestly, for your continued support and friendship.

Checking in...

Hi,

Remember me? 

I just wanted to pop in and say hi.  I'm paying to have this blog open and it looks as if I'm averaging a post per month.  That being the case, I either need to use it, or lose it.  One post per month isn't worth the cost.

Here are some pictures that the kids and I took on St. Patrick's Day.  Goofing around is one of our favorite hobbies, as you can tell.   They are growing too fast!!

It's been a crazy last few months, so thank you to those who have stuck it out with me. 

?

I'm not sure why I still have this site anymore.  My best intentions on keeping it updated have surely failed.  I have failed.

Wednesday I was diagnosed with influenza AND strep throat (what are the freakin chances of being diagnosed with BOTH!) so I've been basically in bed since then.  I've missed a ton of work and I miss my kids.

I just miss life.  I feel like it's getting the best of me.

Hope you're well.

Trek To The Top II

I've participated in a handful of races and I like to run, but this was, by far the hardest fitness challenge I've ever taken part in.  I went blazing up the first 8 levels, then huffed and puffed it up the rest.  I was drenched when finished and swore my lungs were going to crumble.

I think it took me about 20-25 minutes; I'll have to wait for my official time from my time chip to see.  Half way through I thought I was going to be sick so I took a water break for a few minutes, then finished.

`

Afterwards I promptly proceeded to the ladies room and tossed my cookies.  I was in good company...there were two other girls throwing up as well. 

`

I love a good challenge.  This "race" was a personal goal of mine and it felt good to know I obtained it. 

`

I feel good!

`

~*Thank you so much for the nice comments and well wishes...I hope to be back with an update soon!  Hope you are well.*~

`

I just got my "official" timed results:  16:03!  I surprised myself, yahooo!!!

Trek To The Top!

I'm registered for my first fitness goal of 2007!  It's a vertical race to the top of our tallest building downtown.  It's called Trek To The Top and it's competitive stair climbing where on Sat. Feb. 24th, I'll run (walk, pant, crawl) my way up 633 feet, 40 flights, and take 870 steps. 

I've never done a race like this before and that is my main reason for registering.  I have no idea how I'll do or what my time will be, but to me, that doesn't matter.  This is will give me something to focus on, help get my fitness sparked up again and give me a goal to reach for and attain. I'm exicited and look forward to this.

Why you ask?   

My answer is simple...WHY NOT!

See ya at the top!

Boring but at least it's something

YAY:

• Caffeine.  Preferably in the form of a triple grande non fat, no whip, no foam, stirred, peppermint mocha from no other than Starbucks.  And preferably if it’s made by one of the best baristas ever --- me.
• Hot bubble baths.  I’ve always been a bath lover.  Something about a nice long hot bubbly soak that takes the troubles of the world and makes them disappear.  Even if only temporary.
• Personal emails from friends who care enough to ask how I am.  Thank you!
• My digital camera.  Obviously I’m enjoying being apart of the 365 days project over on Flickr.  I’m nearing day 100!  I hope to upgrade my camera someday soon to a “real” one.  Thank you to those who have commented on my 365’s.  I’m glad you like and I’m glad I inspire.  Taking photos is really my way of expression for me lately.  I used to write, but now I find it easier to convey feelings in the form of photography.  It’s very personal to me and I think I can capture my mood and feelings pretty well.  It’s like I’ve “found” something.
• Cereal and toast.  Basically what I live on these days.  I’ve always been a cereal fiend.  Truly.  But these days I find myself so busy and strapped for time that I really don’t have the energy to prepare a full meal. I have the skills, just no time. 
• Body lotion.  Ah winter is here and my skin screams for moisture.  I’m a lotion freak anyway but this time of year, I use twice as much!  I think I’m definitely keeping the stock over at Bathand Body Works and Victorias Secret going these days.
• My new gadget.  Can’t wait to start using it!

NAY:

• Caffeine withdrawal headaches – ouch the pressure! 
• Getting out of a hot bubble bath and realizing how cold it feels when you're wet.
• DRAMA!   
• Copy cats!
• Running out of coffee creamer….ack!
• Dry skin!  I want summer back!
• No treadmill at home anymore.  Damnit!  I feel like a drug addict at times just needing my fix!

I know this is lame, but I'm trying so cut me a break.  I'm still trying to figure out and decide, what it is exactly that I want to do with this site.

Hope you're well.  Thanks for your emails and msgs.  *smile*

It's 2007

Thank you. 

Those two words just don’t seem to be enough. I appreciate all your words, your well wishes, your caring thoughts, your extended hand in support and in friendship.  All the public comments and all the beautiful and inspiring private emails I’ve received have touched me in ways I’ll never be able to put into words. 

The last few weeks have been spent clearing my mind, and I’ve come to several conclusions.

I’m here…And I’m thinking… 

To which you may not have expected

Ok, I guess most of you have guessed, gathered, assumed, or figured out by now that something is up.  Things aren't the same as they "used" to be.  And I'm not talking about "online" here or "blog" shit, I'm talking the real deal here - REAL LIFE.  I avoid certain talk, certain names, certain topics.  Obviously I do this on purpose.  I've never felt the need to have to explain myself and 99% of you have been very respectful in that manner and I do, honestly I do, appreciate that. 

1) My life is not entertainment.  Hey, you don't have to tell me that "look, you're the one who writes a blog for the entire www to read."  I know that - duh.  And I do realize that a lot of you actually care about me and my children and that you don't just read for "entertainment" sake, that you don't just "lurk" around here for the fun of it.  But as much as that is true, so is the fact that there ARE those whose only sole purpose is to do those things.  I'm not comfortable with spilling my heart and soul out to those who only care about KNOWING what's going on, not actually caring about WHO it's going on about.  Make sense?  I hurt like everyone else.  Some may think that I have a tough shell, but I'm human, too. 

2). I'm trying to maintain some sort of maturity and respect and I feel that if I talk/vent/discuss certain topics, the respect I'm trying to hold onto will fly out the window.  Even though there are those (Sorry, couldn't resist!) who do not deserve my respect, I know that I'm better than that and I do have some dignity.  But I'm being pushed.  Pushed hard and it's getting hard to maintain that level of respect.  Push hard enough, and guess what? -  I push back! 

I feel like I used to write from the heart.  I used to pour my feelings into entries and really put a piece of me into what I was writing.  Now I don't feel like I can - and I don't.  What I write just isn't real to me anymore.  I can't be open anymore, can't just say what I feel.  I'm tired of my words coming back.  Tired of them being thrown around, thrown in my face.  I'm tired of what I say being twisted and contorted to suite someone else's argument.  I'm just tired. 

I've made some really great friends here and some of you in real life.  Those of you who have supported me and have given me your hand in friendship and you're shoulder to lean on...to cry on.  Thank you just isn't enough.  You've shared in my excitement, my feats, my challenges, my sadness and grief, my triumphs and accomplishments.  You've shared in my silly moments, my funny moments and my every-day-life-moments.  You've shared in proud mama moments and shared and allowed me to just be me.   VirgoJen isn't just a name, it's me damnit.  I don't use it to "hide" or make up a life I "wished" I lived.  Far from it.  I'm a person, not a persona. 

This is hard.  It actually makes me sad, but I just don't see how I can be "allowed" to move on...and still be able to keep this gig going.   

To protect myself, my life, my children and our privacy, and also my heart, I think it's best that VirgoJen politely bow and draw the curtain. 

Just fade out. 

Fade out and just go...

(I'm not editing this, I'm not changing this, and I'm not proofing this.  It's going up raw, which is exactly how I feel right now.)